1970-10-10 - Harvard
Pregame
[Band lines up in formation, on cue from Drum major]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Columbia University Marching Goyim. Billy Graham, Head Manager, Oral Roberts, Drum Major, and featuring the Reverend Darl McIntyre on the missing Ky.
[Band scrambles out in triangles from either end zone, forms Jewish Star, and plays Onward Christian Soliders.]
[Band forms H]
The band now salutes Harvard and plays Harvardiana.
[Play Hava Nagilah]
[Form LION, Play Roar, Lion, Roar]
[On cue from Drum Major]
Ladies and Gentlemen, our National Anthem.
Halftime
[On cue from Drum Major]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Columbia University Consumer Conscience, Ralph Nader, Head Manager, Betty Furness, Drum Major, and featuring Bess Myerson on the meat patty.
[March out to Cigarette Medley]
For years, consumers have oeen duped into believing that smoking their favorite brand of cigarettes will make them sexy cowboys. However, Medical Science has shown that sexy cowooys die four to five times more often than our non-smoking testees. In other words, the consumers huve become the consumptives. Take a puff...it's cancer. The Band now forms a black lung.
[Form Black Lung, Play Who's Sorry Now]
Few people realize that when advertisers claim detergents' have
long lasting suds, they mean long lasting- like forever. Scientists can verify that those suds will not only clean your dishes, brighten your sink, clean out your pipes, but will also sterilize the Hudson River, thus fulfilling Samuel Thomas Coleridge's prophesy, "Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink." The Bond now forms those non-biodegradable phosphates.
[Form PO4 to PU!, Play I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles]
There have been few more blatant cases of deception in advertising
than the razor blade commercial in which 15 barbers are shaved with a single blade. What is not known however, is that five barbers were needed to shave that fifteenth victim.... One to shave him, and four to hold him down. The Band now forms a styptic pencil.
[Form Styptic Pencil, Play I've Got You Under My Skin]
Speaking of the racer's edge, car advertisers also do their share of misleading. They show us that great geneticist, Mario Andretti crossing the Mojave Desert with a Chevrolet, but they don't tell us that cars kill with speed, choke us with fumes, and fall apart within three years. One can only wonder where these wonderful machines come from.
[Form Self destructing car, Play Lemon Tree]
[Band forms C]
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Columbia College Alma Mater