1988-10-15 - Yale
Pre-Game
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Most Ecstatic Band in the World, the Columbia University Marching Victory Tour... [fanfare]
J. Christian Victor Porwall - Missing In Action
J. Liz Victor Pleshette - Missing The Action
J. Adam Victor Grais - In On All Of The Action
J. Ed Victor Hoffman - Not Getting Any Action
and J. Touth Evans - Luggage
[fanfare]
welcomes itself back to the beautiful, winless, sanitized for your protection Yale Bowl as the Columbia Football Team and the Marching Band attempt to extend our record winning streak and flush Yale down the bowl.
[Band marches in to Who Owns NY]
The Band would now like to continue celebrating the historic occurance of last Saturday by reporting the top 44 responses to a random survey of students taken on campus after the game. They are in ascending order:
Wow! Yea! Awsome! Alright! Gee Whiz! Way To Go! JUST GIMME A BREW! We Wooooooon! We What? Amazing! Holy Cow! "Belch" Where's Liz? Gee, I'm glad I don't go to Princeton, but then again I've always been glad I didn't go to Princeton. Hooray! Mazel Tov! Yahoo! Yipee-ay-aye! Not now, I'm saying a Brucha. Well, I'll be hornswaggled! "Belch" Ariba, ariba, andale, andale! Liz is going to die! I've waited five years for this. Psyche! What?I had twenty on Princeton. Columbia, South Carolina? What do I do now? I can't believe it. I thought it was the Mets. I feel like crying. I didn't believe it until four minutes after the game was over. Let's go Mets! I never liked Princeton anyhow. This is the second best thing I've ever felt. It couldn't happen to a nicer school. Boy, I bet Yale is relieved. Oh my God! Go, Fight Win! Man, these goalposts are heavy! Judd who? Mom, we won! Who cares, I only came for the Band anyway. Football?
and the number one answer..... {entire band screams "Ahhhhhhhh!!!"}
In honor of the Columbia Football team, the Band now corrects the Princeton Band's error at last weeks game by giving the proper number of games in the streak and continues partying by playing Celebration!
[Band forms a 44 and changes it into a 1 while playing music]
Run Away!!!
Halftime
Ladies and Gentlemen and Yale students, back despite carrying a goalpost five miles through upper Manhattan, the Cleverest and Most Excited Band in the World, the Colubia University Marching 16-13...
J. Benno Schmidt, Aspiring Film Star
J. Albert Brooks, Perspiring Film Star
J. A. Bartlett Giamatti, Expiring President of the National League
J. Yale Football Team, Losers
and featuring the winning streak in progress, Yale's losing streak extending, nuclear waste in garbage cans, Yale still in New Haven, and Princeton still in mourning presents a musical tribute to victory. How Sweet It Is!
[Band Marches Out to Who Owns NY]
The Band would like to begin by recalling a few famous victories that never were:
Dewey over Truman
The U.S. Navy at Pearl Harbor
General Custer at Little Big Horn
The Arabs in any war
Iran over Iraq over Iran over Iraq over Iran
The Russians in Afganistan
The Boston Red Sox in a World Series
George Bush in any election
Dan Quayle and the LSAT
Yale over Navy
Yale over Holy Cross
Yale over Brown
Yale over Army
Al Paul over the Marching Band
Any other band over the Marching Band
Mindless muscle over cerebral fortitude
The Christians over the Lions
and of course... Princeton over Columbia
In honor of last weeks actual victory and the resulting tidal wave the band now forms a goalpost before and after the game and plays Hawaii 5-O.
[Band Does This]
Another famous victory that was just not meant to be involved world heavyweight champion Mike Tyson and his estranged wife Robin Givens. Although Tyson was initially knocked out by the young starlet, the force drawing them together soon proved to be not hing more than a fatal attraction. Now it seems that their marriage is on the ropes, and the two newlyweds may already be on their way out of the ring. When asked about the impending divorce Tyson said, "This is the worst blow below the belt she's given me since we were married." In order to fill all of the free time he now has on his hands, he has been looking for a new job but has been unable to find employment as a chauffeur. To make matters worse for the young boxer, the World Boxing Association has threatened to strip Tyson of his title and give it to Givens because she is the only person who has been able to put him down for the count. Anticipating this event, the Band now forms the Tyson household and plays The Stripper.
[Band forms boxing ring with two boxers and plays The Stripper]
What do you get when you cross a Yale alum from Palm Springs with propane and a box of matches? Yale's new program for urban development
Recently, it seems a Yale alum decided to get his alma mater all fired up for the football season with a fundblazer. Trying to relight the Eli's torch of victory and to set the team's hearts ablaze, while at the same time showing his support of the South African empyre, he returned to Yale for A Hot Time in the Old Shanty Town One Night. Accidentally, however, he also lit up the library as well, creating a veritable bonfire of the humanities. This charming action, however, had an adverse effect of the Yale team. The offensive line was reduced to nothing but a smoke screen while the defense was frequently burned by opposing offenses causing the team to smolder in the bottom of the Ivy League standings. The Band would now like to pay tribute to this f-la me athletic booster by forming a fireplace and playing Burning Down The House. However, since we can't play that the Band instead will play what protesters at Yale were saying after this tragic event I Can't Hear You Knocking, Because The Door Burned Down.
[Band forms fireplace and plays Knocking]
Please rise for the Columbia College Alma Mater.
[Band forms a C and plays Sans Souci]
Run Away!!!