1995-10-21 - Yale
Pre-game:
Ladies and Gentlemen, and Yale football team,
we welcome you back to Lawrence A. Wien.
Back despite budget cuts bleeding us dry,
It's the cleverest band, so listen or die.
A hail to alumni, and without further adieu,
It's the Columbia University Marching Light Blue.
[fanfare]
featuring
J. Lloyd Allen, John Keats
J. John O'Neill, Iambic Feets
J. Kira Gardner, always a Romantic
J. Mario Favetta, this script--so pedantic!
and
J. Allen Ginsburg and Jack Kerouac, who certainly won't be comingnback
[fanfare]
welcomes itself back for the first time in a week
To still iconoclastic Baker Field, home of the chic.
Where we're sure the Lions will beat the Elis
And the score will be as high as Rory's shoe size.
The brass will play like a Yale student-that is, low
And we hope that you all enjoy the forthcoming show
[who owns]
As the players tried to take the field,
the marching band refused to yield,
Do you recall what was revealed,
the day the Penn streak died?
Bye, bye to the Quaker's pride
Tried to get the goalposts, only we were denied
Hubris is punished, and the team glorified
the day the Penn streak died.
The band now forms the humble pie Penn had to eat
And plays "I feel good", which sounds awfully neat.
[i got good]
Recently it seems, for those of you not in the know,
Barbara Streisand is on campus, filming a show,
It's not the first time she's attempted this ever,
in fact, "On a Clear Day You Can See Forever"
was to be filmed at Columbia--a college great
but the timing was unfortunate-spring, 1968.
We'd like to salute our Fair Babs-like soup lentil,
she's good for the abs. Her movies like Yentl,
Nuts, Prince of Tides, Funny Girl, Funny Lady,
but such silly sequels besides, her Oscar denial was shady.
The band now forms the Oscar we think she should have won
That one her gender cost her, and plays "Knocking", for fun.
[knocking]
We would like to take this opportunity to say
that band alumni are welcome on the field today.
"The Star-Spangled Banner" is what the band will now play,
so rise, remove your hats, and the diem, carpe.
[banner]
Half-time
Ladies and Gentlemen, and His late, great Majesty King George the Third,
we bring to you a history of Columbia in versed word
Back despite an ever-so-spotty past
it's the Columbia University Marching Campus-built to last!
[fanfare]
featuring
J. Louis Farrakhan, a Muslim leader
J. Alexis Romanov, a Russian bleeder
J. Frosted Cheerios, ever so sweeter
and
J. Lovely Rita, Maid of the, Meter
[fanfare]
present an all-star half-time gala salute
to history and alums and all of their loot
with money on the way in, and scholars dropping out,
and some just dropping, and some just en route.
[who owns]
First we'll start with a tribute to the Core
Full of birth, death, love, sex, peace and war
The vaunted Iliad, the maligned Mein Kampf
Raphael, Michelangelo and Rachmaninoff.
The Core started out during the first World war
To teach those young white men what they were dying for
Then in the sixties we got politics, and added Malcolm X.
And in '83 we got women, and added. . .Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.
Last year Peter Ahn complained, and then complained some more,
and now al-Qu'ran has made it to the Core
The band would like to suggest a text, something to lighten the load.
In honor of runaways everywhere, Kerouac's On The Road
The band now forms Nevada, the Western state
and plays "Wipeout," to wipe clean the Core's slate.
[wipeout]
It's homecoming, and being the nostalgic type
The band felt a salute to alumni was ripe
To famous alums, past and present,
the band performs a tribute oh so pleasant.
We went to the brochures, the literature, the viewbook,
but found no graduates, only those who drop out,
Alexander Hamilton never made it, and Ginsberg was a crook,
Only those that didn't graduate seem to have clout
So if a wish for fame and stardom you wear on you sleeve
The marching band has this timely advice: Leave.
The band now forms Nevada, the state,
and plays "Knocking" which by now you surely hate.
[knocking]
We'll now compare the disparate histories of Columbia and Yale
For instance, the presidents that from each hail,
While Columbia has always liked Ike
Yale prefers George Bush and his Reich.
Consider the inventions of each, we implore
Yale is the birthplace of deconstructionist thought,
Where if you open Pupin's basement door,
You'll see what madness the Manhattan project wrought.
When asked about the gap between the two,
a Columbian, a consummate New Yorker they,
said "Deconstruct THIS" and pointed at two,
FBH and Furnald, which will be done "any day".
Of course, the current disarray is just a start
for one can't have deconstructionism without things constructed
Butler, Dodge, and the cold water loop art
next in line to be up, mucked.
All this destruction is quite costly
And so the band would like to hint, quite softly
Unless you want the campus to remain a mess
Give heaps of money, you can do no less
The band now forms the novel "Alumni and their Discontent"
and plays "Simple Gifts", and asks that you relent
[tis a gift to be simple]
Ladies and Gentlemen, rise, as we end the show
by playing "Sans Souci", a song you all ought to know.