2002-10-26 - Dartmouth
Pre-game
Ladies and Gentlemen, and Dartmouth students, back despite popular demand, it's the cleverest band in the world, the Columbia University Marching Band!
[fanfare]
featuring
J. Thomas Berman - Head Manager
J. Rich Lipkin - Drum Major
and J. Steven Reid - Holding Russians Hostage
[fanfare]
welcomes itself back to beautiful, bucolic, bilateral, urbane, multicultural, eleemosynary, yet still iconoclastic Lawrence A. Wien Stadium at Baker Field, where we're sure the Big Green will be amazed by the tall, urban buildings, Hanover's team will be as unified as the UN Security Council, and the game will get as much attention as the World Series.
[Who owns New York]
After Hanover police arrested two Dartmouth students for mass producing fake ids the university warned local liquor stores to be on the watch for underage buyers. No worry though, with no alcohol to numb their minds students can still count on nighttime dining, a happening after hours social scene, and exciting late night entertainment.oh wait, that's Columbia. Dartmouth, without liquor, you'll have to be satisfied sitting in empty frat houses dreaming about next year's big corn harvest. But don't worry your farm animals can still be stimulating. In honor of Dartmouth social life, the band now forms a sheep and plays Happy Together.
[play Happy Together]
Half-Time
Ladies and gentlemen, and the Big Green, back despite the Jackie Robinson Marching Band, it's the most cosmopolitan band in the world, the Columbia University Marching are we ever happy not to
be living in Hanover.
[fanfare]
featuring
J. Columbia - Playing to win
J. Barnard - Playing for dartmouth
and J. World Series - Who's playing again?
[fanfare]
As well as the Dartmouth team excited by their ever other year trip to the big city, their despair at having to return to school on the farm and the Dartmouth band ready to put everyone to sleep, the band now presents an all-star gala half-time salute to pointless news.
[Who Owns]
This week the US ended its policy of free fuel for North Korea after the country Way announced its own nuclear weapons program. Way to go North Korea. Now that you have no oil, you'll be about as happy as a Hanover without any beer. To pacify their starving citizens, North Korea decided to adjust its 50 year old policy of kidnapping Japanese citizens to teach Koreans about Japan. President Kim Chong-Il stated, "Screw Japanese culture, we're gonna have them teach us something useful - like to how to develop video games and make those cute Hello Kitty bags." In honor of North Korea, the band now forms an atomic bomb and plays Sweet Plutonium Of Mine.
[form bomb, Play Sweet Child]
Last Thursday Noelle Bush, daughter of Florida governor Jeb Bush, was sent to jail when crack cocaine was found in her shoe in rehab. This comes as a surprise, why didn't her uncle give her any tips on how to cover over the effects of coke? She needn't worry about this legal infraction though. With her family history, it'll be a smooth road from rehab all the way to the top. In honor of Noelle's new home, the band forms a jail cell and plays Carry On My Wayward Daughter.
[Form cell, Play carry on]
Run Away!